I think Savage may be wrong – “if he doesn’t enjoy buttfucking then he’s some sort of defective gay buttfucker”
I was reading Dan Savage recently – he gives a fellow advice – and in this case I think he may have been entirely wrong, and missing the obvious. Here’s the advice – read it, and I’ll tell you what I think is “the obvious”:
Not the anal toilet plunger guy – BUY A DILDO YOU DOLT – but LIMP…
Go read the post.
http://www.eastbayexpress.com/artsculture/toilet_plunger_as_anal_sex_toy/Content?oid=1216066
My boyfriend always goes soft after he penetrates me. He’s come in me only a handful of times — and I’m a bottom! When it comes to oral, he doesn’t have trouble staying hard. Even more curious: The guy is only 21! Can someone that young really have “erectile dysfunction”? We’ve tried cock rings, and they don’t help: He can keep his hard-on for a little longer (enough time to get inside me without getting soft), but it doesn’t take long for him to get soft again. Dan, what do you think is going on? He’ll be super-hard when I’m sucking him off, then I’ll start jerking him a bit, then he’ll get inside me, and then a very short while later he’s soft. Is there anything we can do? Does he have ED?
Lover Is Missing Poundings
Your boyfriend is hard during oral sex and when you jerk his cock, LIMP, and only loses his erection when he’s in your ass or about to go in. Hmm. That doesn’t sound like ED to me — there’s no such thing as “act-specific ED” — but more like YBDLAS, or “your boyfriend doesn’t like anal sex.”
Your boyfriend may feel pressure to perform, LIMP, as being fucked is important to you. (Please tell me that he’s coming inside a condom when he comes inside you.) And he may feel some pressure to conform. Anal sex among gay men has been elevated to the status of vaginal sex among straight men, LIMP, in that it’s somehow become the defining sex act, despite the fact that roughly a quarter of all gay men don’t enjoy and don’t indulge in anal sex. Your boyfriend may be one of those guys, but he’s too inhibited to tell you how he feels because, hey, it’s buttfucking and he’s gay and all gay men are buttfuckers and if he doesn’t enjoy buttfucking then he’s some sort of defective gay buttfucker.
The very first thing that occured to me reading this story was this.
The boyfriend is doing coke or speed of some kind. The symptoms are classic – he can get hard with direct stimulation, but penetration is more of a whole body than a genital experience, so he loses his hard.
What do you think?
November 17th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I think that LIMP is not telling everything to Dan because I was having the same type of problem…getting super hard when receiving oral but soon after penetrating someone I’d go soft. When this first happened I was WTF I’ve never had any problems when I was being sucked, or when getting a handjob. Now granted the first time this happend to me was also the first time I was ever with someone sexually, (long story), but when it kept happening I didn’t know what to do. Well, someone close to me suggested that I get my testosterone level checked, b/c he said that he had, had some of the same complaints and got his checked after speaking with his doctor about it and lo and behold it was low. So, I did, I got it checked and it was low, started getting testosterone HRT as well as started to take the supplement L-Arginine and Haven’t had any problems since.
So, LIMP’s boyfriend might have a low testoserone level, the sexual disfunction might be caused by some medication that he’s been taking, or he’s not that into anal; I know, hard to believe, but it does happen.